Motivation to Ride

I have my bike back, and with great sadness that I must report I have turned into a poser. The truth is I don't know quite what to do with this thing. It is my passion, and I never want to let go of it. However, I don't spend enough time with it to truly invest in the passion right now. I will plan out my riding objectives, and collect gear along the way-when they're affordable. I will either make it into a half-time track bike, or fully track it. It will all depend on how much traveling my career will demand of me.

I am entering a phase of "lack of motivation"-both to ride and to achieve. This is typical of an aftermath of a great marathon. I have struggled, I have been down, I have thrived, and I have learned. But now what? I don't see my exit, and hence I don't feel the commitment.

This time period is such a blind corner for me. I know I should keep the faith, and try to stay on throttle while leaning and maintaining speed. But I can't see the exit, and I can't hit the apex. This corner is tightening, and I'm questioning my speed commitment. When do I run out of lean angle, and when will I slide out from underneath? These are dangerous questions, because the more imminent danger is if I back off the throttle, and begin to wobble about. A high side is much more likely.

So, thinking about crashing is no way to ride, but it haunts me ever since the last bad action I've taken. I'm out of rhythm, and thinking more than I should. Hesitation infects my actions and it spreads throughout my veins. I know what to do-to turn on the music and twist that throttle harder, but I am facing mental blocks that I cannot overcome-that is to simply act.

If I weren't me right now, here is what I would tell myself: to simply accept that I will crash. This mental state has been written ever since the days of ancient Chinese war artists to philosophers of the Renaissance. "The soldier that wants to live in battle will die, and the soldier that knows he will die will live". Memento mori. Remember that you too will die. Each moment of hesitation, each of moment of fear, is a moment against personal achievement. To become who I have imagined myself to be, I have to accept that to a certain measure, I will fail. Again.

The trick is to simply process all the risks and fears into the logical part of the brain, and push all the feelings from them to the back. Not many people can or will operate in this environment, but those that do truly find their rewards.

This concept can only be proven in action and in the results from which. So, let the battle be joined. Let the bike the ridden. Let the consequences be damned (slightly). Let me attempt this once again, and see what comes from it.

Most importantly, let this be my motivation to ride, and nothing else.